I held this email in the inbox for a long time. I refuse to delete it, no matter how much turmoil, pain and longing it cause in me.
It was the first love poem/letter I ever had. If only it wasn’t from my ex, I would have been happy then. And only if it wasn’t written when he was drunk.
I won’t put it up here, not because he will see it, but because I will see it. And seeing it only serves to confuse the already aching heart and mind. The poem/letter he sent sums up everything about the past relationship between him and me. And it also stirred up the emotions deep inside that I have tried halfheartedly to lock away. I didn’t reply to his letter, instead I asked if I was suppose to write a similar poem to him.
He said he wrote it when he was drunk. So I’ll just take him at his word.
No matter what I refuse to consider the idea of going back to him. I can’t because I know it will not end well. Even if it does make me happy in that short time frame. He and I are totally opposite. He is the mixture of light and dark, both swirling together in an annihilating mess. While I am still an uncertain person, incomplete and unfinished seeking her own destruction.
I stand here with the one I choose, knowing that I can never go back to what once was, and seeking my completion…
